My first 1.30 did NOT go as planned.
Making the jump from 1.20 and even 1.25, to 1.30, is like going from swimming laps in a pool to swimming out in the ocean. All of a sudden you go from cruising around confidently to feeling like you’re in a completely foreign territory, regardless of how hard you train and how prepared you may feel! At least, that’s the stigma it always had to me, prior to being even remotely ready to jump those jumps.
Fast forward to now actually being ready. Blue and I were easily jumping the lows at competitive venues such as WEC Ocala, often coming home with top placings in both the open and amateur classes. A huge milestone of mine has been to move up into the mediums, and Blue is the perfect horse to do it with. I told my trainer Cris that I had no interest in going into that ring unless we both felt as if I were riding well enough. Once the jumps are that size, the margin for error becomes significantly smaller. And the last thing I’m interested in doing is being over faced and potentially putting Blue in a bad situation.
Yet somehow… that’s exactly what happened.
Blue and I having a nice round prior to my costly rider error.
The warmup ring was standard. Every jump was perfect, placing Blue’s feet exactly where I wanted them prior to leaving the ground. But .. I was nervous. So nervous actually that I had been restless all throughout the night and didn’t sleep well because of it. It hadn’t been the first time dealing with nerves, I always get nervous prior to going in the ring. But this time felt different, probably knowing what was at stake. I still battle with not trusting myself, which leads to worry about failing my horse and potentially putting him or her in harms way. I remember thinking the final oxer and vertical set in the warmup ring looked really big, which scared me a bit. I hadn’t had that thought in a while, despite schooling over some fences at home that were intimidating. But truth of the matter was we don’t jump THAT big at home. So that warmup fence, which was likely closer to 1.35, was daunting.
Entering the ring all I could think about was how not to make a mistake. Which is not usually my train of thought prior to starting my course. So this already set the tone for the ride.
I also found myself repeating some Bible verses I’d memorized and recited all day. This always helps settle anxiety and bring me into a flow state of riding. And while that did help ease my mind, I still felt like a fish out of water.
Honestly, the first half of the course went fine. My third jump was a touch gappy to an oxer, so not ideal.. but we made it work and continued on jumping a clear round. But I wasn’t used to Blue jumping so hard! The 1.20/1.25 is so effortless for him that he doesn’t ever really jump me loose. But he was feeling good and jumping these bigger fences so well, that I felt as if I were hanging on for dear life. Looking back at the video, it doesn’t really look that way.. but it was enough for me to get in my head about it. That thought served no purpose and only distracted me from the task at hand.
Coming out of the corner to jump 9 we were clear and well over half way through the course. The 9th jump was a big, wide oxer, and rounding the turn I found myself 6 open strides away. Which should have been a nice, balanced 7. And any other ride I likely would’ve made that decision. But I was scared of riding “too slow” to the jumps, since I tend to get backwards if I’m not aware of my pace. So I did what I haven’t done in ages, I panicked and gunned it at the oxer, but not with the confidence to cover enough ground and get his feet where they needed to be. We ended up getting there on a half stride, and Blue being Blue, tried to jump the jump anyways despite having every reason to say no. We ended up pop chipping (this pains me to even admit right now), landing on top of the jump and tossing me completely out of the tack. Clinging to his neck, he canters off as I desperately tried to crawl my way back in the saddle. Needless to say, the girth slipped and I ended up dismounting and landing on my feet. Blue stood there next to me clearly a bit stunned, but composed still. I immediately checked him over, loosened the girth and put the saddle back in place. The feeling of utter disappointment washed over me instantly. The walk of shame out of the ring doesn’t help, either.
Needless to say, this did not go as planned. First and foremost, I was so relieved that Blue came away unscathed. And I’m so grateful for his heart and his try. This isn’t the first time he has jumped for me despite making a bad call on my part. But, it had been a good while since I made an error that bad.. so I certainly beat myself up for it. However, Cris reassured me that this is unfortunately part of the sport and part of learning. I knew he was right, and I’m reminded that some of the best riders in the world still mess up, still have falls and rider errors that cost them. Who am I to think it won’t happen to me?!
Our second and more successful go at the 1.30
All that being said, we proceeded to come out the following day and win in our 1.20 class. The fact that Blue went about business per usual without holding a grudge or being scared by what happened, speaks a lot of his character. The following week we had another go at the 1.30, this time completing the course and jumping all the jumps. There was one rail, which was totally my fault. But I did feel much more like myself, still nervous but not debilitating nerves. So while not great to my standards, progress nonetheless!
The plan is to hopefully become more confident and consistent in the mediums this winter season. Maybe even competitive.. no doubt I have the horse for it. I just have to ride well enough!
When this was all said and done, I walked away with a tremendously valuable lesson. It molded me to be more resilient, smarter, and more determined than I already was. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it, I owe Blue SO much. He is so special in so many ways, and I really do trust him with my life.. something I’ve never before felt for another horse. Grateful would be an understatement!
